


Musical Interlude

by rsadelle



Category: Metallica
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-07
Updated: 2001-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/pseuds/rsadelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Kirk play music and talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musical Interlude

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Nette for helping along the way and beta reading, and mega-huge thanks to Bliss for telling me about guitar playing.

"Fuck off, James," Kirk said without looking up from his guitar.

James came all the way into the studio. He balanced his guitar case on one of the stools while he freed the guitar. "Nice to see you too, Kirk." He dropped the case on the floor and plugged into an amp. There was a popping noise. He turned the dial on his guitar until there was silence again.

"What part of 'fuck off' don't you understand?"

James drew a pick over the strings, testing the sound. "Can't a guy come jam with a friend?"

Kirk laughed harshly. "You never wanted to jam before. Is this supposed to be part of our fucking 'fun and healthy time' together?" He drew a pick down over the strings of his own guitar, playing one chord after another.

"Does this mean you're not happy to see me?" James turned a peg and tested the corresponding string.

"It's your fucking fault Jason left," Kirk growled. "You just couldn't let him do what he had to do."

"Closed fist, Kirk. You don't fuck with that." James strummed his guitar lightly, frowning and adjusting pegs until he had the sound he wanted.

"Yeah, James. Closed fist. We're a fucking family. We're supposed to support each other, not kick people out when they don't do what you want them to." Kirk slammed his pick down across the strings, making the guitar scream.

James played a softer series of chords.

"You know what I think?" Kirk said. "I think you just couldn't handle it that Jason loved me more than he loved you."

James chuckled softly. "You still don't get it."

Kirk scowled at him.

James started to play seriously, wandering through songs, switching from riffs to melodies and back again. When Kirk didn't join him, he stopped and looked up at Kirk. "We going to jam or what?"

Kirk pressed his hands flat against the body of his guitar. "I'm not playing with you."

James shrugged. "Suit yourself." He began to play again, concentrating on the rhythm parts, making the sound deliberately sparse, trusting that Kirk wouldn't be able to resist playing with him and filling in the sound.

Kirk eventually gave in and started to play. He wove his riffs around the melodies James played. It filled out the music and made it sound right.

They played a few of their own songs, then moved to covers. They took turns choosing what to play. Kirk followed James' lead for a while, then he took over, and James followed what he played.

James stopped first. "My hands are starting to hurt. Yours must be almost bleeding," he explained when Kirk shot him a questioning look.

Kirk looked down at his hands, rubbing away the few drops of blood on his skin. "It's not so bad."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

James grinned at Kirk.

Kirk reluctantly smiled back.

James stood up and carefully set his guitar down. He took Kirk's guitar from his hands, carefully pulling the strap up over his head without catching his hair, and set it down. He stroked Kirk's hair back, resting his thumbs against Kirk's cheekbones. "I couldn't let him do it," he said softly.

"You don't get it. You and Lars, you've got kids. Jase doesn't. I don't." Kirk waved an arm around the studio. "This is it for us." He looked up at James. "Metallica-- It's everything to me. It's enough." He looked back down. "It wasn't enough for Jason, and you're too much of a fucking control freak to deal with that."

"Kirk. Metallica has to be it. Family and Metallica. There isn't room for more."

"You could've *made* room."

James slid his hands up into Kirk's hair, rubbing his skull gently. "I couldn't. You know that."

Kirk leaned forward and pressed his forehead to James' shoulder. "You should've found a way."

"I couldn't." James slid his hands down Kirk's neck to his back.

Kirk slipped his arms around James' waist. "It's not fair."

James pressed Kirk's head against his shoulder with one hand and stroked the other hand across Kirk's back. "No."

Kirk clutched at the back of James' shirt. "I hate this," he said, his voice choked with unshed tears.

James kissed the top of Kirk's head. "Me too." He pulled back and looked down at Kirk. "We have to be okay. We'll always be okay with Lars, but you and me have to be okay. If we aren't, this band falls apart."

Kirk let out a watery laugh. "Just three guys."

James wiped away the tears from under Kirk's eyes. "Not just three guys. A band." He leaned down and licked up a tear track on Kirk's cheek.

Kirk squeezed his eyes shut on the rest of his tears. "Not without Jason."

"We'll find someone else."

"Not someone like Jason."

"No, but someone. Someone who can play."

"Someone who won't love me more than he loves you."

James stroked the back of a finger down Kirk's cheek. "You still don't get it. Someone you won't love more than you love me."

Kirk turned his face into James' hand. "You stupid fuck. You drove Jason away because you wanted me?"

James stroked Kirk's face gently. "I'm not that stupid." He sighed and pulled Kirk's head back down to his shoulder. "It was about the music. I couldn't let him do that to Metallica. But I'm not losing you to someone else again."

Kirk tightened his arms around James' waist. "Stupid fuck. I'm not going to stop loving you."

"But you loved him more."

Kirk shook his head, his hair brushing against James' chin. "Metallica, James. Metallica's it." He tipped his head up and kissed the underside of James' jaw. "Nothing's more important than this." He swallowed and whispered, "Not even Jason."

"But you loved him."

Kirk blinked back his tears. "Yeah, I loved him." He pressed his lips to James' neck. "I loved you first."

"You loved him more."

"No," Kirk whispered.

"Of course you did." James' lips brushed Kirk's hair.

"I didn't." Kirk closed his eyes and pressed his face into James' neck. "I always loved you more."

"You always wanted him. You played with him. Even on stage."

"I played with you."

"Not the way you played with him."

"What do you want?" Kirk asked tiredly. "I love you more."

"You still love him."

Kirk pushed James away. "Yes, I still love him. He was my best fucking friend."

James let his hands fall to his sides. "Right. You loved him more."

"You fucking idiot," Kirk snarled. "I'm telling you I love you more."

James crossed his arms over his chest. "Sure, you're telling me that."

Kirk slid off the stool and stood in front of James. "You're so fucking stupid." He yanked James' head down and kissed him fiercely, hard enough to bruise his lips. "I love you, you stupid fuck. I loved you first. I love you more."

James put his hands on either side of Kirk's face. "No one loves me more."

Kirk put his hands over James'. "I do." He rubbed his thumbs against James' hands. "I always did." He leaned forward and kissed James again, softly this time.

James slipped his hands out from under Kirk's. He wrapped his arms around Kirk and clung to him. "I fucking love you," he muttered into Kirk's hair.

Kirk slid his arms around James. "I know."

"I'm sorry about Jason," James said softly. "I wish-- I wish things could've been different."

"Me too."

James pulled back and looked down at Kirk. "Are we cool?" He pushed Kirk's hair back from his forehead. "We have to be cool."

Kirk nodded. "Yeah. We're okay."

James pulled Kirk back to him. "Thank fucking God." He stroked Kirk's hair, focusing on the feel of it under his hands.

Kirk gently pushed James away and turned back to his guitar. He switched off the amp and unplugged the cord. He had started to wind the cord around his hand when James turned him around and kissed him. Kirk let the cord fall and buried his hand in James' hair.

"What was that for?" he asked breathlessly when James let him go.

"I wanted to kiss you."

Kirk gave him a slight smile. "Okay." He gestured at James' guitar. "Help me clean up."

James switched off his own amp and unplugged his guitar, then carefully put the guitar back into its case. He watched Kirk stroke a soft cloth over the body of his guitar before gently settling it into its case.

"You're always so careful."

Kirk briefly touched his guitar before shutting the case. "They're important." He glanced up at James. "Metallica's everything."

James held out his hand and pulled Kirk up. "Come on. Let's go to the Albion. I'll buy you a drink."

Kirk squeezed his hand quickly. "You owe me one."

"I said I'd buy you one." James threw his arm around Kirk's shoulders. Kirk turned the lights off on their way out.


End file.
